Taste Testers welcome back!! This post is in reference to an email I received from a Taste Tester. This reader expressed being pulled in different directions.The child in this blended family as well as the "step" parent both felt like their feelings were not being taken into consideration in comparison to the opposite party.While I am the first to say children's thoughts and opinions matter, that is only on child appropriate matters. If it's an important decision making issue, definitely ask the child's opinion and give them a chance to speak. Then take what the child said as well as y'all opinion and make a decision together as adults. Doing this will show a united leadership in the household. That strong leadership shows unity and stability. We must remember that when choosing to parent with someone and actually become a family both parents must be on the same page about education, discipline, religion and anything else that may be of some importance to either of the parents. Even if you don’t completely agree on a topic, at least come to a compromise that you both can agree on. This makes parenting and simply living together a lot easier. Sometimes as a stepparent we are already hesitant to give our opinion on situations. It becomes even worse when our thoughts and feelings are accepted for some situations but not even considered for others. This can result in the step parent not feeling as important as the bio parent and it also shows the children that the parents are not a team.
As a former child,lol, and now a parent of a blended family showing the children that the adults are not on the same page is like setting yourself up. The children will easily play on this weak spot. This will often cause arguments of you not taking the child's side or even the stepparent not feeling valued. While you may make them feel like the best girl/boy friend, husband/wife remember that the role of a parent is completely different. Once becoming a blended family the phrase “MY SON” or “MY DAUGHTER” should not be said when making decisions together for “Y’ALL” child's well being. Remember there was something about this person that made you ok with them becoming an influence on your child. Anyone that you date and spend mass amounts of time with as a family will become an influence. My boyfriend has been around my son for just under a year and a half, my son wears his hat like him and has picked us interest in just about everything that my boyfriend does. I am perfectly ok with this because the qualities he posses as a man, a son and a father are all qualities I pray that my son picks up. Seeing that we as parents were on the same page and in agreeance with each others actions is what let my son know without any doubt that this was a good man. The best way to stay united as parents is to stay in constant communication about the children. You should have these conversations all the time. But have them in private just incase there is anything that you guys dont agree upon. If these OPEN and HONEST conversations still leave certain topics unresolved my next suggestion would be to be open minded and seek an UNBIASED mediator. Meaning don’t call your mother, sister, brother, or best friend and ask their opinion. For the health and happiness of your family please seek someone that will keep it 100% real with you. A bunch of yes men/women will leave your family and relationship in even worse shape than it began. So keep the communication open and honest, do not take anything personal and keep an open mind. Hopefully either of these suggestions will bring a strong united parental bond between the two adults as well as showing the child both of the parents have their best interest at heart.
THANKS AGAIN FOR READING
I WILL SEE YOU GUYS FOR BLOG ENTRY#6 ON TUESDAY.