Stir Your Own Pot!

Before we jump into our Tuesday topic, let's clap it up for blog entry #8!!! (I promise to relax once we get to #10)  O.k...I want to discuss an issue that many blended families have. We are going to talk about BOUNDARIES!! (someone cue the scary music).

If you are in a co-parenting situation but have been blessed to find the person you want to spend your life with there has to be boundaries set between all roles. When I say all roles, I am talking about ex boyfriends/ ex-girlfriends/ex-wives & ex-husbands as well as bio parents and step parents. This happens to be a coin that I am on both sides of. To dig a little deeper let's talk from the perspective of me being a bio-parent/ with a ex-husband. As a co-parenting bio parent it is the job of my ex-husband/the other co parent and I to try our best to make sound decisions regarding the upbringing of our 2 children. I will keep it real and be the first, second and third to say that we do not always agree. However what makes it easier for us to come to an agreement is that my boyfriend and my ex-husbands girlfriend do not get involved. Now of course as our new mates we may vent to them or even ask their opinions but when it actually comes to communicating it is strictly done between the two of us. We have been blessed that our new loves understand this and have never even attempted to cross that line but everyone isn't that lucky. In my opinion as long as there has been no blatant disrespect directed towards the stepparent they should only be a voice of support for the bio parent. Now how they blend together in their home and parent is between them as long as the children are being properly cared for. Let’s flip the coin here.

As a step-parent I know it is not my place to insert myself into discussions, or arguments between my boyfriend and his opposite co-parent. Many of you may be saying but I take care of the child when they are in my home so I should be able to voice my opinion. Don’t get me wrong you can definitely have an opinion but all issues and concerns should be voiced to your mate who will and should be the one to sort the issue out. Unless you as the stepparent and the other bio parent have built a great relationship over the years which some are capable of doing the only thing that could come from you making it a point to be heard is a lot of arguing between all adult parties involved and confusion for the children.

The equation for this can be very simple-

 

Bio-Parents set the boundaries by not letting your ex disrespect your new love but by also making sure your new mate respects your ex as the other half of your child

Step-Parents know your boundaries be a help not a hindrance. There is truth to the phrase “Too many cooks in the kitchen”. Legally you have no say over this child so do your best to support your mate. Always share your ideas, opinions and concerns through them.

However, do not allow yourself to be disrespected but that’s something your mate should nip that in the bud quickly.

Well Taste Testers I will see you guys again on Saturday, I have a lot of writing ahead of me as I prepare the May Dish of the Month and the launch of Food for the Soul but until then let’s

Keep Stirring Our Own Pot and Respect the Boundaries!